Computer generated transcript

Warning!
The following transcript was generated automatically from the content and has not been checked or corrected manually.

OK. OK. So the practical applications um this um was really my request to if you're going to be mentored uh as a mentee. Um One of the things that I noticed particularly in, in my role, um and I have to deal with a lot of people who are looking to develop um both technical skills, you know, wanting to access um qualifications is that quite a number of them come with an expectation that it's going to solve all their problems. And I really love something which is um called the Pareto principle. I don't know if anyone's heard of this. It was by Ernesto Perito who was an economist way, way, way back in the, in, in, you know, in the, in the, in history. And he came up with the 8020 rule and I really feel that in mental relationships or even when you're training or when you're in that kind of continuing professional development space, it absolutely has to be 80% you and it has to be 20% of either the course or the training or maybe the individuals that and mentors and, and um and kind of senior leaders who are working with you because you have to be able to take responsibility for yourself and you can't kind of go into these things, expecting people to know what you need, you have to put some time into, to think about that. Um And, and as mentors as well, um It's very easy to get into rescue mode um where you want to fix things for people. Um So I suppose it really is a request to be really clear about your goals, think about how you might make that happen because in order to get the best out of a mental relationship, you need to have some clear requests so that they can respond to those. And as mentors, you need to have the kind of toolkit to be able to ask those questions and open mentees out if they maybe haven't had the opportunity to do that. So really, you know, nobody wants to be be rescued, but actually, it is quite nice to be in that space sometimes where someone just sorts it out for you. But most of the time we do want that kind of 88 to 20 rule with you kind of as mentees putting in 80 per cent of the work with that mentor, providing that 20 per cent of support, guidance and beautiful high quality questions for you. So I'm gonna go through some of these sections. So what I'm going to do is in this section, I'm going to go through goal setting, I'm going to go through listening skills and I'm going to talk about high quality questions, then we'll have a break and then we'll do the self directed learning model, which I think will be really, really helpful. Um And we can kind of get into um thinking about um coaching scripts, coaching questions as well. So, and what I'll do is I'll be able to kind of, you can offer you the chance to kind of answer the questions as we as we go through the through the session. So one of the things that is really, really important in mentoring and coaching is absolutely having um the ability to set goals and that's as an individual yourself, but also as a mentor, being able to support people to set goals. And I am really love an approach which is called solution focused thinking. Um And there's a company called Go Make a difference and they did a massive piece of research where they just interviewed people who had been really, really successful in life. Um And then they started with three people and they had very measurable things that they had achieved and they just started to talk to them about how did you make a difference? What did that look like? And then they got those three people to recommend another three people and they did kind of 10,000 hours of, of, of, of interviews. And one of the things they emerged is there isn't just type one type of goal. Um You've probably all heard of smart. It's um it's a very, very, um almost overused term for how you would set a goal. Um But one of the things I discovered is that there were other three types of goals that tended to emerge. One was umbrella, one was qualitative and one was visioning. So I'm going to kind of talk about those um in a little bit more detail now. So smart, it's um it's an, it's an oldie, but a gold goldie. Um and these are the definitions of, of a smart goal and developing smart goals are really helpful when you have something very specific that you need to do. Um smart goals don't work when you've got this and then that and then this and then that you need to, if you're making a smart goal, it has to be about 11 thing in particular. You may well have a list of smart goals you want to work through but smart goals. So specifically what is it that you will do? So what is it that you are trying to achieve? How much and how often, so how will you know, when you, when you've got that the A is achievable and so how confident are you are you that you can do that? Um often it's quite useful to use a scale when you're doing that. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how achievable does this feel right now? Um My recommendation is if you look at your goal and you rate that as a five or less, you probably need to go back and look at your goal because if you're not feeling it's achievable, then actually, um you know, what, what's the point you need to go and reframe it? So it becomes achievable. Is it important? Is it relevant? Do you wanna do it? Because, you know, I don't know about you, but sometimes there are goals that I have to do because I've been told to do them as part of work and sometimes there are goals that I just really want to do. And I'm excited about them. Again, it's useful if you're a mentor to get the person to do a scale on this. So on a scale of one to tell, you know, 10, how, how relevant is this to you? How much do you want to, how strong is your reason? Why those sorts of questions? And again, you know, it's about, is this a towards goal? So am I going towards it? I'm really excited or is it the goal in order for me to avoid a really bad consequence? I don't lose your job or you know, do all of those different things and the really most important thing with a smart goal that it has to be time based. So when will you do it? Um and I don't just mean like, so if you say, um, I'm going to do it, um, by winter, by the end of winter. Um, do you mean the first of March? Do you mean, you know the 28th, um, 29th, if it's a leap year of February, be specific, have a day, you know, I'm going to do this in six months time. Okie doke, I'm going to do this in 12 months time. So we're gonna be meeting on the seventh of, of December 2025 then. So is that what you mean? So it's about getting really specific people will kind of love you and hate you for doing this if you're a mentor because um and if people can't give you a time, it's probably telling you you need to go back and reframe the goal, particularly in terms of achievability and particularly in terms of whether they actually really want to do it. So how relevant, how relevant is it? So that that's smart goals. So umbrella our goals are for much larger complex goals. Um So um I've done a very complex goal here. Um I want to be the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the world. There's nothing like aiming, aiming big. Um But obviously, if I try to make you make that into a smart goal, I think it would be incredibly difficult for you to do that. So the idea of an umbrella is exactly that. So this top layer is your umbrella. So this is your umbrella goal. So, if I'm gonna be the best cardiac friend in the world, I need to have the right mindset. I don't know what's going on with my font here. It's gone, gone. Very strange. But, but never mind, we'll, we'll, we'll work with it. Um, but if I have the right mindset that probably isn't going to make me the best cardio arthropathic surgeon in the world. So I'm probably gonna have to do something else and, and, and really the coaching technique here is a very simple one, which is what else? So I'm gonna need good leadership skills. So if I have the right mindset and leadership skills, will I be the best cardiothoracic in the surgeon in the world? No. So what else I need to work at the best hospital? Um You know, so I need to be in a hospital that's gonna support me. So if I have all of these three things, will I, will it help me achieve my goal? No. Right. So what else? I need to have great training. So I need to have that skill set. And again, you can kind of just say, and I also have to have the best mentor and really when you're working with somebody and they've got a very big goal and you're helping them chunk it down into the different folks of this umbrella, it's, it's making sure that of those, if you do all of those five things will you achieve your goal. So if you have the right mindset, the right leadership skills, you're in the best hospital in the world, you got the right training so you can get the skills and you'll have the best mentor, will you, will this allow you to achieve your goal? And, and really, that's what you're doing with an umbrella goal. You're probably looking between three and seven spokes of the umbrella and, and then what you've done then is you've allowed somebody to really break down what it's going to take. And this can be really helpful in a mentoring relationship because it may be that you choose to chunk them down over the course of the relationship and work through them. One of the things that's really helpful to do at this point is get people to rate um the priority. So actually, if you were to say, which was the most important, which would you say was number one, number two and literally get people to put numbers down on this. Um Really helpful, you can either use it. Um If you're doing on Zoom or teams, you can use mind mapping software. And if I've got somebody in front of me, I would draw this out for them as they were talking to me um and get them to actually physically rate these on the, on, on the paper. What's lovely about umbrella goals is particularly if something's very overwhelming, it does allow it to break it down into these manageable chunks. So for instance, if I've decided the right mindset is my priority goal, you would then say, right, and you would use the same technique as you've used for the larger umbrella goal, you would say, right, if you're going to have the right mindset, what are you gonna need? And it's going to be like, well, I need to make sure that I'm eating well. Um I've got, um you know, I've got everything that I need. I'm feeling confident, I know how to receive, give and receive feedback. So what you would do is you would use the same technique of what other things that you need in order to have the right mindset and you can do this um um as low down as you need to. Um And again, each of these may well have lots of different sub goals. Sometimes. What you find though is that one might be really simple. So the best mentor is probably not a load of um kind of extra umbrella goals that you need to think about. You can probably just get a list and it would move you straight into that smart goal or literally just action territory. So this is just a really, really helpful way of breaking those larger complex goals down. I use this all the time. This is, this is pretty much a a daily, if not, you know, a weekly, if not daily activity for me in terms of how do I break down what it is that I need to do. I think it's also really good. If you're a leader, this is a great way to communicate. This is what we're trying to achieve and then get the team to work with you in order to be able to break it down. And then equally, if you're the member of the team who's responsible for a particular sub goal, you can see how you fit into that to that wider goal. So it works really brilliantly on a 1 to 1 basis. But it's also really good. If you're in a clinical setting, you're working with a multidisciplinary team. And you know, um as, as the, as the surgeon, as a doctor and you are often seen as that leader either on that day or, or as part of that department. Again, this is, this is one of this has been a game changer for me over over the years. And I find it really helpful in, in every context that I work in. So qualitative goals, has anyone ever had that situation where you're like, oh, I hate that meeting. Uh I don't feel confident walking into that situation or I really don't like the way my relationship is with that person. I would like to improve it. So qualitative goals are really a useful way to explore that and it starts to help you quantify. And so this is like I say, it's for confidence. It's your like, I would like to have more personal impact. I would like to think about how I manage a relationship. I would like to improve, you know, the morale of my team, all of those different things. It is where you would use a qualitative goal. And, and again, you'll see a pattern in this, we're asking the individual um or you might ask the team what, what they'd like to improve. And by when, so we're kind of using some of the smart, smart techniques and then what you do is you ask them to rate where they'd like to be. So if you take the example of being more confident in a meeting, um you might get them to say, right, think about that meeting and, you know, um where are you now? And, and where would you like to be? Um and, and, and by when? So it may well be that they're like a two now in terms of their confidence. And I think it would be unrealistic to expect that in the next meeting, they're going to be at a 10. So you could even have a conversation and say, um you know, by the next meeting, I want to be at a five and then the next meeting after that, I want to get to a seven and it's OK. If people don't want to be at 10, you're basically working with them about how it is that they want to feel in that meeting. And so once you've got them to define what that, that 10 or that nine or that seven looks like and get them to really go into it and, and get them to be specific, you know, what do they see here, you know, feel when they're being confident, what does that look and feel like and get them to be specific about how they define that rating? Because really what you're doing with them, with the goal, this is something that can't really be measured. You're trying to create their version of a measure, they're trying to get them to describe exactly what it is they mean and, and the way you do that is, you know, people often say, I want to communicate better and, and, and what we do is we sometimes leave that at face value. But as mentors, um what I'm expecting you to do is go tell me what you mean by communication. What does that look like? What, what is communication to you? So you're just kind of just delving just below the waterline of that, that kind of iceberg and really getting into it. And then in order to kind of get them moving into defining it a bit further, can they remember a time when they did it at that level, the same or similar? If they can't do that, you might say, well, if not, can you think of a role model? Um it might be somebody they work with, it could even be fictional, it could be a movie character or someone from a book, anything like that and really get them to describe what their top rating would look like as this forms their goal. So if you follow this process, basically, you're creating something that, which is not usually um measurable into something that is really, really measurable. So that's qualitative. So we've got smart, we've got umbrella um and qualitative. So we've kind of got um three types of gold that are really kind of working um for, I suppose, quite practical things that we might want to work on. The fourth goal that go go make a difference discovered was visioning. Um And this is where you're really kind of going big. Um And this is really kind of um so if you imagine that we're in a time machine and, you know, I've got a massive um I've got a massive goal. So, one of my goals at work at the moment is I've got to roll out leadership development for the whole of our group which covers five hospitals and community services. This is a big goal and sometimes it feels like I'm looking into a big black hole of goodness me. How am I going to ever remember how to do all these things? But a really useful way when you've got something completely massive and you know, you can't even think to do an umbrella. Go with it is to actually think right in a year's time, where do I want to be and actually pretend that you're getting in a time machine and you're traveling forward in time and actually use your imagination. I'm sure you do it all the time. I mean, I don't know about you, but, you know, I'm often thinking about what I'm having fatigue tonight. I'm using my imagination and you might be thinking about where you're traveling next or how will I get to work? How will I, how will I do this, this thing? How will I have that conversation? And we're actually really, really good at it as it as um as humans. So actually, it's just taking that skill set that we all naturally have and actually putting it into something more, more prospective. This is a really nice thing to do um as mentors if you have a mentee who really doesn't know um what it is that they would like from the relationship or are struggling to define that because it's a nice space for you to be. And you could say, you know, where do you want to, you know, if you, if we sat here in, in a year's time having a cup of tea or a cup of coffee together and where might we like, where, where would you like to be? And it just allows a little bit a different part of their brain to kind of kick in and kind of put all the practical planning things aside and have a moment where you can just think about what it is that you would want. So we do use our imagination about, you know, where we want to go on holiday or what we want to do with our lives. And I'm sure, you know, I'm going to be, you know, a famous singer one day, all of those, all of those things and, and as a mentor, what you're trying to do is listen and you would write down and capture and you would use those coaching skills to summarize and, and reflect back what they're saying about their vision. And the other thing you can do is if you can get them to talk about it in the past tense and if they've already achieved it, it can be really useful for getting somebody if they're very stuck into a helpful mindset. And because talking about the fact that you have achieved it and then saying, well, what did you do? Tell me what you did to achieve this goal, you can allow people to talk about things and then you start to formulate a plan with them. So if you've got somebody that's really, really stuck a visioning conversation about what that looks like, can be really, really helpful and it can really take the pressure off of that relationship. And then if you remember what I've said before, if you've got a vision and you can then potentially use an umbrella go technique to break that down. And then once you've got your sub goals, you can start to use your smart technique or your qualitative um goal setting techniques to get some more specificity in there for them as well. So regardless of the situation, one of the things that you can get really, really good at is asking high quality questions and you might ask the question. Uh What, what do you mean by that? And what, what's really interesting about, um, the human brain is, it tends to, um, it tends to think in a, in a, in kind of four different ways, we tend to make statements about ourselves, you know. Oh, I'm not very good at this or, oh, I'm brilliant at this. Um The other thing we do is we try and remember things. So we might think about a time when something happened and that might be a helpful memory. It might be a hindering memory. We often will think about a future. So that might be helpful or it will be brilliant when or it might be a, a hindering future. The other thing our brains tend to do is ask questions and questions are amazing because if you are in a really kind of, you know, having a difficult, you know, your frame of mind, you're having lots of difficult or hindering thoughts, which is completely normal. It's absolutely normal to do that. Um, a really really good question, can just get your brain ticking over and, and into a more helpful frame of mind and, you know, reflecting that, you know, given the situation that you guys have got going on in Gaza, it we as a mentee and a mentor, you know, we, we've got to kind of, I suppose sometimes um asking the right question might just be about supporting somebody where they are now and meeting them where they are now. It isn't always about these grand goals. It could just be about feeling better today or feeling better tonight. And, and one of the best ways to do that and get the brain in a helpful, helpful mind is, is with a question. So a really, really high quality question always starts with a how, what or who. Um You're probably wondering why I haven't put, why in there. Um If you start a question with a why, what it ends up getting into unless you're talking about someone's motivation or what's your reason? Why? If I say, why did you do that? It immediately puts you in a very defensive mode. So if you say, why did you approach that situation in that way? Immediately, my brain starts to think about all the justifications and why I did it that way. If you just were, for instance, to ask me what happened, I would just tell you what happened. It, it gets things factual and it stops my brain going off into a memory or a hindering thought or worrying that um I've done something wrong. So when you're in a mentoring relationship, really try and avoid the use of why when you're exploring things with people, unless you're kind of focusing on their motivations and, and their, their, their core motivation or their reason why. And so there are two types of questions that are really, really helpful. Um And these are helpful in whatever setting that you, that you have at all. And it's questions that open the mind. So you can ask, you know, um what, what are you gonna have for tea tonight? And what are you gonna have for your dinner? Um You know, all of those things or what am I going to do tomorrow? But actually what that does is that makes the brain have to try and think of something immediately and it doesn't open it up. One of the really great ways of doing it is adding some simple words in which is possibly could and would. So if I say, what could you possibly do tomorrow? Um Suddenly your brain goes, oh What, what, what might I do rather than you going? 000, I'm not sure. I'm not sure I need to give an answer now. So what these words do, it gives the brain, I would say some, some room to breathe some permissions to explore lots of different, different things. And these are great questions if someone's stuck. So, you know, you know, how, you know, and this could be about a, a grand idea, you know, how could I possibly be the best surgeon in the world right through to, how might I get through to the end of the day? You know, feeling, calm, feeling safe. It can be really, really different, different ends of the spectrum. Um Are these just really, really good? So when you've got a question, just really kind of put a what could possibly you can might is, you know, what might we do is a really, really great way of, of, of simplifying a question. So, um so yeah, so that is kind of questions to really open the mind what we also then need to do. It's great to come up with lots of ideas or, you know, explore lots of different, different possibilities. But we do also need to focus the mind in order to get into action or to understand what our, what our needs are. Um And questions that focus the mind will be. So by, when will you do that? So you're getting able to using by, when will um what will you do? Um So when will you phone up to arrange the meeting you were described or you know what, what is the one thing that you know, you're going to do next? So you're really kind of getting people moving from that kind of big thing. And I kind of imagine it as, um as a, as a funnel. So when you're doing the possibility, thinking you're at the top end of the funnel. And then when you're doing the questions that focus the mind, what you're doing is you're kind of harvesting the things that are gonna help either make a difference for that individual um in a, in a general term or will make a difference on, on that particular, on that particular day. So just kind of have a reflect on the type of questions you ask. Um count up maybe how many times you, you said why um we do it a lot when we investigate stuff, you know, why did you do that? And it's a really unhelpful term because although we do need to kind of find out ii in first blame. And um so getting really good at the how, what and who um is, is really, really, really helpful. I also wanted to share with you one of the most famous um models for having a conversation. And this is where you would use these high quality questions. And um this is a really, really simple um conversation and I use this all the time and what it's not is linear, but I am gonna go through it in, in, in order, but you can see that it's interchangeable. So when you're sitting down for a, for a conversation and you might have 1015 minutes with somebody, or you might be sitting down for a more formal hour, hour and a half, ask people what they want to talk about. And one of the really useful things is, is to say, you know, you know, what, what, what we're gonna do today, what are we going to talk about? What might be helpful? Um, what, what, what is the topic that, that you're bringing, you're bringing here today? Um, we don't often do this enough and we kind of um I'm terrible for it. I have to remember to do it. It's quite an active thing. I have to remember to do. I just get a bit excited and I start having conversations about things. But actually, then I get to the end of it and I think I haven't achieved what I needed to do and I haven't talked about the things that were really important to me. So just using this model is a useful way just to check in. Then of course, every mentoring or coaching conversation should be about. What is it that you want from the discussion? What is the goal? So if it's a more formal relationship, you might be picking up something you um a bigger goal, a bigger umbrella goal that you've been discussing. Or maybe if you know, um if that person's having, you know, some difficulties, it might be a more personal conversation. But again, I think um the types of questions you would ask there from a high quality point of view is, you know, um, what, what, you know, what would be helpful today, um, to do, where would we like, where would be helpful for you to be by the end of this conversation? Um, what sort of space would you like this to be today? Do you want to just be able to talk openly or do you want to work on something specific? So time spent understanding the topic and the goal is never wasted. Um And as you move through your conversations with people, um don't feel afraid to refer back to the goal, particularly if you feel that maybe someone was trying to give you a goal. But actually, as you speak about it, what's really going on for them or what they really want emerges for that from that, from that conversation. Um It's really important for people to talk about what's happening to them. Um There is a phrase that I really, really like when people are experiencing difficulties and obviously recognizing that that is a daily, a daily um occurrence for you guys out, out in Gaza is just to recognize it's a situation that's strange, not you and you, you know, if things are difficult, you're having a perfectly normal reaction to something which is, you know, really, really awful. Um As part of, you know, I remember saying this a lot of people during the, during the pandemic that you have to remember that what you're feeling is completely normal. And it's about how do you notice and be curious about those emotions. How do you explore with somebody, what the reality of this is going on and, you know, work based stuff. It might be that um somebody is just being impossible and difficult with you and being a blocker, it may be something going on in your personal world and that is the reality of it. And, and when we're coaching and mentoring, we have to see that person in the round, we're not seeing them as that individual who is just um training to be a doctor or a psychiatrist or a surgeon or you know, any of any of these things or a nurse or all of all of these different different professions. What, what I would guard against though is spending all of the time in reality because if this is a coaching or a mentoring conversation, you are looking to support that person to move, move forward and help them explore when you're in the reality section. That is when, if you remember the coaching spectrum, this is where your reflecting skills are gonna be used for your summarizing skills, um your listening skills. Um And, and this is a good place to practice as well. So people will just like people like to talk about themselves, let them do it and practice your skills. And um one of my trainers, coaching trainers said you need to be a rock with ears and I really like that and I use that in my mind sometimes when my vice monsters twittering in my ears, you need to tell them how to do this. I just say no, stop it. You need to be a rock with ears right now. Um, and really kind of notice, listen. Um, and, and ways of kind of exploring that is, you know, I'm just really curious about, about what you said there and that particular word, notice people's language, it's really helpful because people tell you what you need to know about them in the way that they speak it, write notes down. One of my favorite techniques for reflecting back is to write things down that people have said and literally say it to them really cleanly. So you give it in them, you giving it back in, in their words and that when someone does that for me, a it can be quite profound because I'm like flipping it, this person's really heard me. Um But also it just allows somebody else to get them to hear what they've said and start to regulate it, particularly if something's very, very emotive. Um So the reality bit is a really helpful bit. Um But it is there to really kind of establish what's happening now and to kind of again, explore with those kind of questions around um the things of different things that are going in, you know, going on in the world and how this mentoring or coaching might, might work, then you might want to move into options. Um Like I say, it's not linear. You might be moving around this, but the options is where the questions that open your mind would be really helpful. So if you remember those, you know, thinking about what we've discussed and thinking about the goal, um you've explored, you know, lots of different things and I can hear from what you've told me, there are lots of barriers, how could we possibly remove some of those barriers? Um You know, who might possibly be able to help you with this, who, you know, what other options are there? So you can kind of really get into all of those different things with these things. So this is where you've used the questions that really open people's minds. Um And what I'm gonna do is I'm going to um send on a really helpful coaching script for you and it literally has questions of about 40 on the sheet and it takes you from setting the goal to opening somebody's mind and really exploring the possibilities, um understanding their motivations right through to kind of what we're going to talk about next, which is the final bit of the te grow model, which is that w which is wrap up and will, so what will you do? So, again, this section of the model is really getting into question to focus the mind and, and what I would say about these conversation tools is that they are just about having a conversation. And what it allows you as a mentor to do is to make sure that you don't just end up um just talking about reality or not having a goal or not having the opportunity to explore options and, and, and things. It's really important to understand that this is not therapy, mentoring and, and, and coaching is very much about being goal orientated. Um My experience of using it in the pandemic was really helpful. Um So we very much use this for um for frontline staff and often the conversations we were having were about um managing, uncertainty, managing and understanding what it is that you can control. So this model is very, very good for doing that. Um So what you can't do is control everything that's going on in the world. But what you can control is maybe how you frame something in your own mind. Um getting control of what you have for, you know, to eat or what your next drink is going to be. What your next conversation would be, who, who might be helpful to spend some time with, who really restores your batteries. So this model works like that kind of big career level. So, you know, I want to be the best, you know, um psychiatrist in the world. Um But then at the same level, you can very much use this, you know, for those personal conversations just to allow people to do the control the controllable moments. So what might be the one thing that could help? And that might be a really useful way to, to spend a few, a few minutes, I think, equally if you've only got a short amount of time and you're maybe having a corridor conversation, you know, have you got a minute? No. Well, I've got 10, you know, what would be the most useful thing for us to discuss in the next 10 minutes? You can see there that you're using topic and goal and getting people to share that also as well. It focuses on them because rather than kind of going into everything that's happened since 1998 they're going to be focused in giving you that reality. So you might actually be able to ask them some questions and get them into a space that could be helpful. So that is a really useful, useful model. Like I say, it's not linear, you'll move back and, and my kind of watch out. It's never, never time wasted, just kind of going back in and checking what would, what would be helpful? What is the goal to make sure that you're, you're, you're kind of being really super helpful to that person, you're coaching or mentoring. So I wanted to introduce you to um Boi's theory of self directed learning because um and again, I'm gonna send this on because I've got it as kind of AAA bit of a, a worksheet slash, you know, the presentation and, and what you're gonna notice as I go through this, I've just got a set of questions. Um So I'm just gonna use the opportunity and what I was just gonna invite you to do is to think about how you might ask these if we were in a, in a coaching or a, a mentoring conversation and mentors. This is a great way. Um You could send this stuff in advance. This stuff doesn't all have to be done in conversation. You, you know, the whole point of this is self, self directed learning and, and I really like this because I feel like it fits in with a coaching approach, but it does give some structure if you're having that kind of mentoring space. And this is not just for training and education. Um This is um personal, it can be all sorts of all sorts of different things that, that you can use this for. So you can see here that it's a cycle that goes round and round. Um So it's like kind of like, you know, where do I want to be? What's the reality going on right now? So you can see the connections with that, with that grow model. Um One of my favorite things um from a, a business and occupational psychology point of view is the um positive psychology movement. I'm slightly obsessed, obsessed with this all the stuff that I read in it and I get really irritated when we start talking about bringing people up to standard. And I think one of the reasons why I didn't become a proper clinical psychologist is that it felt very much like we were always looking for what wrong was wrong with people and trying to fix it. Whereas the positive psychology movement, particularly in terms of, I think professional development, it's about what are your strengths? So I'll give you the example of myself. I am not particularly detailed. So I will give you a document and it is not um I won't see typos in it. I just don't see it. Um And um and, and basically, um I find that really difficult. Um but one of my strengths is is that I'm extremely logical. So I try and leverage that as a strength for me because I know I'm never gonna be detailed. But if I approach things in a logical way, it still allows me to catch things and make sure that I'm I'm being specific or, or, or kind of accurate when I need to be. So it's about you thinking about what are my strengths and how do I use them? Um So you might not be the most outgoing person in the world, but maybe you're really good at listening and having conversations. How might you leverage that to feel more confident when you're working with lots of different people. So it's just kind of having those tho those different things, then there's a gap. So, and, and it's, that's really kind of me, I like, I prefer that. So this is my ideal stuff. This is the reality. These are my strengths and these are the things that I may be missing. So what's missing right now for me? Um that's stopping me or, or, or, or, you know, is not allowing me to move to where I want to be. And that is where the mentor comes in. That is where the coaching conversations, the possibility questions to really kind of think about what is my learning agenda, what is the things that I want to do? What, what might I want to, to achieve and then going forward and not worrying about failing? So what, what, what is my plan for experimenting on, you know, you know, well, obviously there are restrictions in clinical practice. So I'm not, you know, the, the whole kind of do no harm. Um It, it is really important here, but with those kind of um softer skills, life skills, you know, personal life, you know, what, what, what might I like to do? And I come back to that phrase that, you know, if we keep doing what we've always done, we'll always get what we've always got. So how do we make sure that we maybe have the opportunity to, to try something different? And then finally, it's the kind of practicing um which is, you know, how, how will I make this, how will I make this happen? Um So I'm gonna kind of give you some um questions. So as I'm going through this, just kind of answer these in your, in your mind, I recognize this is, this is quite fast. And um um Abdullah um will basically, ii don't know if it's been recorded. I've just seen your, your question. Um So, um basically, um what I'll do is make sure you have these, these resources so that you've got, you've got the background information on it. I'm happy to share my powerpoint with notes in it, notes in it as well. So in terms of this model, thinking about yourself as a mentee, where do you want to be? What's the vision that you have, you know, do you need help to create that vision is something that you might want to be with a mental step into that vision. What does it look and what does it feel like? But I do recognize, you know, at the moment that that's challenging, but I think it's important to kind of understand what that looks like. Um And kind of um you know, there might be different self, you know, so there might be a ideal self over the next kind of 3 to 6 months and there might be a future self, which is, which is a lot further on. Um And really kind of think about what is, what, what is your, what are you able to think about right now in terms of that, that ideal self um check in with the reality. So from a skills perspective, um it might be, where am I at? This is very different from kind of educational supervision. But actually, um you know, if, if, if you, you know, being a doctor surgeon, that's your chosen career, that's part of it in terms of kind of how you present yourself to the world. What's your current style? Do you have the kind of impact that you, that you would want to have? Um Do you get on well with people? Are there certain people you find challenging? How do other, see you, how might you get that data? Um You know, we, you know, you could do lots of different things, you can just ask, um particularly if you're working with patients. So patient surveys, you could have conversations. So what, what is the reality of, of myself? Who, who, who am I? And does it, you know, how far away does it look to be from my, from my um ideal self? Oops, sorry, I've just lost my mouse. There we go. There we go. Lovely. And then my, obviously my favorite bit. What strength do you currently have? You know, it's really important to know what you're good at because I bet you're all brilliant, you know, and we, I think we're, we're so hard on ourselves. And actually, it's really important to do a really good stock take of how good you are. What, what do you do? That's brilliant. And how do you use that because you'll have friends, family who think you're amazing. And I think sometimes we disconnect that, that identity when we're in work or we're in training. So, really think about what that, that looks like and I can pretty much guarantee that you will be overlapping already with the way your ideal self is. Um think about where you've received positive feedback about particular skills. And when you're asking for feedback, say, what did I do really well then because I want to do more of that, don't just ask, what did I do wrong, you know, ask for, for those, that positive feedback. So you can really understand what you need to stop, but also what you need to start and even more importantly, what do you need to continue doing? Really think about what you excel at? What do you love to do? What you know, and, and I think um there's a psychological term called flow. Um which means that, you know, often time and space moves really quickly, you don't realize, you know, time, time goes super quickly and it's when you're in your absolute amazing moment and you're having a really, really great experience and what do you find easy to deal with? It's OK to find stuff, you know, II quite enjoy doing this stuff. Um, speaking to lots of different people and I don't mind if I'm online or in a big room. Um, my mood knows I have no shame. So it doesn't, it doesn't worry me. Um, but for others that would be literally their worst nightmare. So, you know, really kind of think about what do I love to do and, and, and, and don't feel shameful about that, enjoy it, embrace it and do more of it and, and, and really kind of um um get into that space then thinking about what are the gaps in your existing skills. So it might be specific. Um I find them all the time. Um And some of that is that I'll go on a training course in order to be able to up that other times, I might want to notice and observe somebody who I really think role models that well. Um you know, where does your ideal self and real self differ? Is it a big gap? Um And if you remember what I talked about previously, we talked about those rating scales, it's really helpful to use that. So, thinking about the gap, you know, if 10 means that I, I'm completely hit my ideal self. And where am I on the scale at the moment? Well, I'm at a four, but that's great. You know, what, what's it gonna take to get from a four to a five? Be open and honest. About what situations um you find difficult to, or, or, or deal with. Um, it's really um important to notice and recognize that my preference is, is I like to go very fast. I get, have lots of ideas and it's all going to be amazing. So when people start asking me lots of um detailed questions about it, I find it really irritating because I just want to crack on. But that's, that's actually something that I've learned is not a strength of mine. Um And I, and, and I literally have a little mantra now, which is, they're just questions, they're just questions and so much. So now I actually like the questions. So I've kind of gone the other way. But that, that was a really difficult thing for me over the years. And that's probably something that I've had to, to learn to have a very specific coping coping strategy about what tasks require extra effort. And that's important because when times get tough and our, you know, uh you know, our bandwidth can go from being here and like, you know, I can deal with everything, you know, maybe your bandwidth is here, you need to know what you find difficult because you probably need to put strategies in place in order to deal with that. So if you don't really do, you know in interpersonal conflict when that happens, that's gonna have an impact on you. So what, what are your coping strategies? How do you make sure you have those in place and also be open to feedback? Um I don't know about you but sometimes I get feedback and I have a really, I get upset about it. It's a normal reaction might have a bit of a sulk about it. But actually that's usually because probably it's true. So it's just noticing and reflecting and trying not to move into that defensive space. I think we know our brain chemistry as well when we receive feedback. Um you know, our kind of old brain um our Agalla like, you know, goes with the emotions straight away and actually, we just, we need to let that go, let that regulate and then let our kind of frontal cortex and our logic um kick in and just kind of notice and be curious about it and be kind to yourselves. Um So it just gives you that opportunity and that might be a skill or it might be an interpersonal interpersonal area. And then, you know, the things that I've, you know, talked about have given some ideas as we've, as we've gone on, you know, what is your learning agenda? So how do you build on your strengths while reducing those gaps? And, you know, don't just look to get good at something that you find really difficult. Is there something that you find easy that you could, you could exploit in order to kind of use that instead of, of, of of it, like I say, II have to say the advent of um A I has been very helpful for me because I do actually, um when I'm being really waff, I put a paragraph into copilot or Chat E PT and it summarizes me and I find that really helpful, you know, so you can, there's lots of different ways to, to kind of work that through. Where could you acquire those skills and you can't use chat GPT for everything. Although I do feel like it is my new best friend sometimes. Um What are the options or what can you possibly do? What resources are available? Um I really like this possibility question, which is if you have access to the, you know, the, the the biggest expert in the world on the thing that you're trying to do, who would that be and what would they do? What might you ask them? So you can kind of, you know, what advice might they give you? So you can get really creative in your thinking around your learning agenda and who might help you to do this, what resources might you possibly need? And then it's a chance to, once you've made your plan to actually go out there and think about what we're gonna test out, I'm gonna approach this person differently. And one of my experience of this is, was working with a, with a, it was a, a head and neck, head and neck surgeon and he clearly thought I was extremely frivolous, couldn't be bothered with me. And we had a big project to do together in theaters. And I worked out quite quickly that he needed to think. And of course I was going chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat every time and I and I did not give any space for him to talk. And I remember going away and coming back and trying a completely new approach, which was to ask him a question and then just be quiet and it was genuinely a revolution for our relationship because all he did was time to think and he allowed us to do um a really, really amazing piece of work together where we both used each other's strengths. Um But somebody has to go first. So for me, that was me choosing to do something different. And it was an experiment. I didn't know if it was gonna work, it couldn't have got any worse. And actually, we became really good colleagues as a, as a result of that. So it's thinking about what skills might you experiment? How can you identify different opportunities? What are you going to do? And I think it's really OK to fail. And I've been, we've been talking about this recently within the hospitals that we work in is that we're so terrified to fail. It stops us from trying new things or even innovating because we're kind of so set up to do that. So what experiments might we do? And how do you create a safe environment? And if you're a mentor or a leader or a clinical leader, how do you make sure that you're creating a safe environment in the team so that people feel safe to test things out or to ask questions and, and have a little go with that. So that is seven you know, um six slightly different areas of self directed learning. Um I will make this available. But if you're a mentor, this is a great kind of script to use or to have in front of you equally, if you're a mentee, this is a great piece of work to do as a reflective preparation piece to think about what might might be helpful for you. So I think, you know, if I kind of summarize grow is more, I would say for those more helpful personal conversations and the self directed learning model is really useful for those more structured things that you'd want to do. Um And again, they're just both frameworks and you can mix and match, find your own style. There's lots of other coaching models out there that you can, you can use. Um So these are just two that I've kind of chosen to present that offer a more kind of non directive aspect of things with a, with a kind of medium directive with the, with the self directed learning model that allows you to kind of think about how you might want to apply these in your, in your training and also in your, in your personal life as well. And then finally, the first thing you do have to do is do these things. So this, this, this slide fits um fits for everything that I've talked about today. So how do you put these skills into practice? Um How are you gonna do it and how, you know, they've been successful. So I'm kind of coming back to those smart goals, you know, what is the measure gonna be? Um And I've been measures with teams and they've been everything from um no more difficult emails between me and this person. Um or everything just feels better. Nobody moaning right through to, you know, very kind of specific measures like, you know, the amount of do not attend in clinic will, will, will have reduced. So you can have lots of different measures. Remember those, those scales that I've talked about as well. So you can start to have personal measures of what, what, what, what's important. So, one of the things that I wanted to kind of talk about, um and I think it's in any scenario and, and contracting doesn't have to be, you know, um a piece of parchment paper with a big seal on it that everyone's signed. Contracting can happen even when you're having a 5, 10 minute conversation. Um but contracting is, is something that is really important, particularly if you're entering into a more formal conversation to be really clear about what this is and what this isn't. Um You know, like I say, mentoring and coaching are not therapy that there are some things that are adjacent to it in terms of that space to talk about, you know, what's important to you, difficulties that are going on in your world. Um But it is really important to find out why, why is the mentee coming for mentorship? Where are they now? Um you know, is the conversation about maintaining someone's bandwidth so they can function or is it about innovating and, and, and moving forward? Um What do they want it to achieve how you work? Like I said today, um earlier, what are the initial goals and motivations, any practical arrangements and barriers? And I was reflecting on this when I was coming into, you know, thinking about you, you know, I would imagine the barriers are, are, are, are almost extreme for you guys. So what, what does that look like? How might this work work for you? Um How will you review it? Is there an endpoint? Does there need to be an endpoint? Um If there is, how might you discuss that? And I think it, what's really important as well is confidentiality agreement both way and also the fact that it does have limits. Um So what I would always say to somebody I was working with is that everything we say in this room is completely confidential unless you tell me something, which makes me worry that you're going to harm yourself, harm other people or is something illegal that I would be legally required to, to pass on? So that is the confidentially conversation that I would, I would have with, with individuals just so they feel confident I'd also talk about the fact that I would never break confidentiality if I needed to without having that conversation first so that they were really clear about why and what, what was going to happen. I haven't had to do it. Um I've only had to do it once when a safety concern came up in a, in a, in a conversation that I was, I was having. Um and it was resolved and it was absolutely fine and it was done, done with that individual. But I'm just recognizing that if you're in a clinical scenario and someone discloses practice that you are concerned about, it's really important that you contract upfront for that because, you know, you would, you would need to disclose that if you had a, had a safety concern. I mean, I wanted to talk about the barriers. So we've got the, the joy of Darth Vader um here and his, his leadership approach, power and authority is something that is really important in the flatter. You can get your, your relationships as in kind of leave your badges at the door, leave your qualifications at the door. Um And just, you know, um really kind of embrace that, that relationship. Um But also recognize that if you are mentoring somebody and you also are maybe in their direct line of, of, of command um or, or line management, um that, that will have an impact on that relationship and there might be limits to, to, to what you can do. And trust and psychological safety is really important that person you're mentoring. Um You need to know that what you say won't go out of the room other than the parameters of confidentiality I mentioned earlier. Um If you're not inclusive, if your mindset um is not interested in like everything from the way that people might think about things differently right through to any prejudices or um unconscious or even conscious bias that you, that you might have. Um And it's just really important that as mentors and even mentees that we make sure that um we kind of try and leave them out of the thing and that could be everything from, you know, religious belief. It could be societal, it could be cultural, it could just be an opinion about how to do a particular procedure. There's lots of different things that could get in the way. So it's about how do you have that open mindset? And this is me being fairly blunt, actually lack of rapport. If you don't get on with somebody, it's not gonna work and it's ok to do that, which is why the contracting is really important that you kind of have a report meeting and if it's not working out that both of you just walk away with no consequences, so that's really important to, to kind of talk about time and opportunity, which I would imagine is challenging. Um It's challenging enough um working in the NHS, but given the circumstances that you're under, it's really important to think about what would work. Um that doesn't add extra stress. Um Do we have enough mentors? Um And it is really important and I think someone we were talking about, you know, do you need standards? I mean, for us, um I really like our coaches to have a formal training. We, we talk about level five training, which is kind of just below degree level. Um um um you know, which is that kind of um a set, a set qualification you would have in coaching and mentoring. Um I think also as well, um having a non coaching mindset where you just end up with a mentor that just tells you about their career and how amazing they are and just lets their advice wants to go to go to town. Um So it's really important that um as a mentee, it's ok for you to walk away if you're not getting what you need out of mentoring and if you are mentoring, um how might you not do any of these things and, and if you feel like you might try, you know, one of these two of these things might, might be a barrier, how might you possibly overcome them? So I'm just gonna kind of finish off by reminding you of the coaching spectrum, the ask and tell and just get you to think about where might you like to spend some more time? Um As I finish this both as um you know, if you just in your daily life and, and on what that looks like. So, yeah, so thank you very much for, for, for listening to me again. I'm sorry if I go very fast and that is my natural, natural preference, but I'm more than happy to, to answer questions with, with my mood. So, thank you very much and I'll stop sharing. Thank you so much Lucy for such a comprehensive talk on both the theoretical aspects and the practical aspects of mentoring. It's, it's quite a lot to cover it, isn't it? Um And you've done a really good job covering uh the basis of it and hopefully in she will have more sessions with you where you can go into more detail.